My sexual awakening

I realized that I loved to be submissive to men from very early on. I spent twenty years of my life as a bisexual man married with children. I entered into a homosexual relationship with a man in my early twenties before I met my wife and thus went on for 10 years with my homosexual lover being my best man at my wedding to my wife. I tried to stop meeting him for sex and felt so filthy and guilty from time to time but I just couldn't resist his beautiful big thick hard 7 inch penis. The smell and taste was so sexy and the anticipation of pulling his undies down and taking it in my mouth and feeling it swelling up hard as I kissed and suckled on it knowing that in a few minutes that I was going to be penetrated by him, was just too tempting. My wife would go out shopping or such and as soon as her car pulled out the driveway we would undress each other and spend the next few hours have the most beautiful homosexual lovemaking session. I loved laying back and spreading my legs as he positioned his sexy fit body on top of me, feeling the soft downy hair on his fit masculine body on my smooth hairless skin as he fondled my nipples, kissing me passionately as he stretched my bottom open with his big purple plum headed penis. I would moan like a girl when I felt his beautiful big penis head pressing against my hot soft tight pink anus as I panted "slow, slow, slow!" as he opened me up. When his cock head was just inside me I would beg him to push it all the way up inside me and I would feel another 6 inches of his big cock slide all the way up inside my belly. I loved the beautiful feeling of having his balls between my legs and knowing I was accomadating the full length of his penis inside me. I would put a dress on with stockings and heels and become a woman for him. He was a beautiful lover and would make love to me over and over again for hours. I would taste the mixture of our juices in between over and over loving the taste of our filthy taboo homosexual union. We would make love all over the house including in the marital bed and would put my wife's wedding dress on and whisper the most beautiful depraved wedding vows into each others ears as we made love. I loved being completely submissive to him and he would bend me over and push a big thick sex up inside me then make me crawl around on all fours with the toy sticking out of my bottom and up in the air. We progressed to bondage and bdsm and I would spend hours bound and gagged having my nipples and anus whipped hard as I tried to scream with my dirty panties and a ball gag in my mouth. I loved being submissive to him and even though he would hurt me with the whip and stretch me past my limits with huge object insertions I took it all because I was in love with him. He would hold me so gently and make the most beautiful love to me afterwards. I loved the feeling of submission and vulnerability when I presented the most private part of my body to him and felt the length, the hardness and the thickness of his beautiful big hard penis inside my body as he thrust up inside me. I loved the feeling of his penis spasming as he came deep inside me knowing that I had his semen in me. We would lay together as his penis softened inside me and the feeling of rim of his penis head sliding out of my opening was divine. I would beg him to put it back in and he would push his head back into my opening over and over working it in and out of my hot tight opening like a soft little mouth. He loved holding my bottom open and watching his semen flow from my gaping distended pink sissy hole. I loved feeling his hot semen running out of me over my balls and tiny little soft sissy clit. I loved walking around the house with his semen running down the inside of my thighs and my hole would stay all wet and slippery ready for him to finger me or penetrate me with his penis or toys again. He loved inserting any kind of object inside me that would fit and sometimes things that wouldn't but he would make them fit anyway. I had all kinds of different vegetables, bottles, dog toys, balls etc inside at one time or another. We had a few incidents with things getting stuck inside me. Once he pushed a large hard ball up inside me and it was a lot of work to stretch me open wide enough to take it. It finally went up inside me then he began kissing me and rubbing my little clitty masturbating me like a woman. I had a beautiful orgasm and forgot about the ball for a little while until I got up and moved around and felt it's pressure inside me. Most times I would just squat and push the toys or objects out and he loved watching me straining hard as I would push a big toy etc out, my pink hole stretched taught in a thin pink ring around any large object he decided he wanted to watch me pushing out of my body. So I tried to push the ball and it just wouldn't come. I was going red in the face and groaning and grunting hard as I squatted in front of him and tried to push the huge foreign object out. I started to panic a bit and tried to push it out again. I was pushing so hard and it wasn't even close to coming out. I asked him to try and use his fingers to get it out and he tried over and over but it wouldn't come. He then tried to hold my anus open while I pushed but still no luck. Then he got an expanding anal plug and after inserting he opened it wide. The ball then moved down a bit further as I tried to push as hard as I could. I could feel it slowly moving as it stretched me open. I really thought it was nearly out but I put my fingers in and it still had a long way to go. I gave another push as hard as I could and it began to hurt really bad. I kept pushing and the pain became so bad I began to scream. Then my anus couldn't take anymore and spasmed tight around it half in and half out of the opening. I began screaming "Oh god it hurts so much" and begged him to get it out. I didn't realize how loud I was being so he stuffed my panties in my mouth followed by the ball gag. I tried to stop him but he grabbed my wrists and cuffed them behind my back. I began kicking and bucking in pain so he tied my ankles together and all I could do was squirm around on the floor in front of him. All this was being recorded as we filmed lots of our depraved sex acts. I was trying to beg through the gag but I couldn't even speak properly and all I could say was "no! no! no!" and "please!" and "help me! "over and over. I caught sight of him and he was wanking his penis hard as he watched me squirming and squealing on the ground in front of him. He was getting off on watching me in hard sexual pain, begging and screaming! He picked up a camera and began taking photos, holding me down and positioning me to get better shots. I had begun crying and sobbing by now and this aroused him again and he began masturbating hard again. He stood over me and squirted his semen all over my back and arse. I couldn't do anything but lay there bound and sobbing, begging him to help me. He rolled me onto my belly and sat down on my legs. Then he got a curved metal rod and fitted it into a socket on the ball. This was when I realized he had done this to me on purpose and began cursing and screaming at him. He just leaned forward and told me he was going to teach me discipline the hard way. Then he slowly pushed the huge ball back up inside me as I screamed into the gag as the ball felt like it was a huge red hot burning ball of fire. As it slipped inside me I felt the pressure on my insides again. I looked back and I could see he had attached a pump to the tube that lead into the ball. He told me that he was going to tie me up nice and tight for the next part of my anal training. He picked me up and lay me on my belly on the bed then Hog tied me roping my wrists to my ankles and my elbows to my knees with my shoulders on the bed. Then he pulled my legs open and tied them into position. I was spread wide open and couldn't move an inch. Then he walked out of the room and came back with a large bag filled with a white liquid. He told me it was a thick mixture of warm oil that he was going to pump into me. But first he said I'm going to pump the ball up so you don't lose a drop. He attached a pump to the ball and connected the bag of oil to it and switched the pump on. Immediately I began to feel the ball swelling up putting pressure on my insides. It felt so bad but so good at the same time. My clitty began to leak and I had a beautiful orgasm. The warm oil filled ball was trying to push it's way out but he stopped it with his fingers. He told me he was going to fill me up and stretch me open more than ever before. The ball was getting bigger and bigger and I got really scared and thought I was going to be stretched and hurt or injured really badly. He must've seen the fear on my face and told me not to worry because he was going to help me reach my limits and that I could take a lot more than I thought I could. Then he changed the hose over to the one that went right through the ball and up into my insides. He turned the pump on and the hot oil began to slowly fill my belly. I could feel my belly swelling and looked back at it and it looked like I was several months pregnant. Then I realized there was still most of the bag to go. He took the gag off me and I sobbed loudly then began crying and begging him to stop, not to do this to me. He told me it was all just part of my feminization journey and how could I become a woman without experiencing pregnancy and the pain of birth. I just cried and begged "please no" over and over as the pump rhythmically pulsed filling and stretching my insides. I looked back at my belly and it was huge and swollen with still at least half the bag to go. The thick warm oil flowed deep up inside me and I could feel it stretching and pushing as it filled me up. It began to push against the ball and it felt like it was going to come out so I told him but it was so big that it couldn't without stretching my opening way past it's limit. He told me that was the exactly what was going to happen to me and that my opening was going to stretch past it's elastic limit it was never going to go back to like it was before. I started to panic and he told me to relax because there was nothing I could do about it and just to accept it and become a woman. I said "what about my wife?" and he said that when she sees me like this she will just leave and you will become my new wife. He told me he was going to leave me alone for a few hours and he left the room with the pump still filling my insides. My belly felt like it couldn't get any bigger but it just kept going. The pressure started getting unbearable and I felt my opening beginning to stretch as the oil began to push the huge ball out. Just then he came back in the room and said that I was beginning to birth the ball. He said that he was going to help me through the process and I felt his fingers in my opening. Then he slowly began pushing another finger them all of them in me. I felt my opening being stretched wide open and he told me that was just the beginning then he pushed his while hand up inside me past the wrist and my hole alternated between trying to spasm shut and locking around his wrist and trying to turn itself inside out and push his hand out. He told me that now I was going to know what a real woman feels like. Then he began to pull his hand out. The ball began to come to but would stop so he pushed his hand in again. Each time his hand went in and out my opening got bigger and looser. Then I felt the ball begin to stretch me wider than I'd ever been open before. I could feel my tight pink sex opening stretching and flaring wide open around the huge ball. I was trying to stop it coming out but the pressure from the oil kept it moving out bit by bit. It would stop and he would tell me to give a hard push. I just wanted this thing out of me and pushed as hard as I could, my face going bright purple, my teeth clenched and groaning hard. It felt like it was going so slowly and I didn't think I could do it anymore. He told me to have a rest but I couldn't. I kept pushing and pushing but it felt like it was stuck. My opening felt so tight and stretched. He told me I could do it and to give one last big push. I began pushing as hard as I could and then I tried to stop but my body wanted it out of me so bad and I began to scream as I tried to get it out. Then all of a sudden I felt a huge stretching tearing feeling and the ball began to slide out. The warm oil began flooding out of me and he put his hand back inside me and pushed it all the way up inside me past his elbow. He was a large man and his arm was big and thick. I leant forward and told me I was a woman now with big thick meaty hanging labia. He began working his hand and arm in and out of me and the oil began flooding out. He withdrew his arm and a thick jet of oil arced out of me as the pressure in my bellow made it squirt out like a hose. Then he untied me and showed me what he had done to my body in a mirror. My distended streched hole now had two big thick meaty hanging lips that hung down below my bottom down between my thighs like the woman I was meant to be. He took me in his arms and I lay back and spread my legs and felt him enter me for the first time as a real woman.